Dear Wigleaf,

I used to make up bands when I was thirteen or so. I liked coming up with the names first and then discerning what type of music they made. Fire Station #5 (nü metal), Geekbait (death metal), Spaghettia (Cake-adjacent alt rock), Candy Cane Special (emo). I conducted interviews with the members of these bands. By that I mean I talked to myself in hyper-specific terms about music and people that did not exist.

"What's the meaning behind your most recent single?" I'd ask.

"The meaning seems pretty evident from the lyrics. Do you even listen to our music?"

The frontmen for these groups were always quite standoffish. All of my idols at the time were assholes. I should probably look into that, or pay someone to look into that. I should go to therapy, is what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, I've never told this to anyone. That's probably a lie.

Best,

Nick