Dear Wigleaf,

In college, I took a year of classical Latin from a petite Italian-American woman, patrician yet puckish, whose red-brown hair hung past her waist, whose blue eyes pierced with strigine sharpness, and who had (of course) a much younger boyfriend. Thanks to her, I happen to know that the ancient Romans never said "please," because there's no word for "please" in Latin. To be clear, there are a number of functionally-equivalent phrases, but none come closer than the two-word entreaty amabo te, which is really nothing like "please," because it literally means, "I will love you." Imagine that, Wigleaf! Had you lived in ancient Rome, it's conceivable you might've found yourself saying things like "I will love you if you pass me that wine flask" or "I will love you if you make room for me on the divan." What do you think? Are we lucky to speak a language that doesn't force us to promise our love in order to ask for things? Or do you think we might be better off if we did?

Salve et vale (hail and farewell),

Francesca