You and your wife adopt a cute little baby, and the baby falls asleep in the car seat on the ride home. You park in the driveway and walk into the kitchen, like always. Bam! You hear the car door slam and you remember: the baby!

The baby stomps into the kitchen, "You left me out there?!"

You look at your wife, hoping she will answer. Your wife slides a bowl of food toward the baby.

"What is this slop?" says the baby.

"It's baby food, right?" you say to your wife, to confirm.

"I can't eat this!" The baby throws the bowl onto the floor, and creamed corn splatters everywhere. You clean it up.

You read a parenting article and assign the baby some chores.

"You want me to do the dishes?!" screams the baby, "I'm a baby!"

You think the baby has a good point, but you haven't had much sleep.

The baby orders you to do her math homework and vocabulary worksheets. The baby explains, "I have to go to the mall."    

You wonder why a baby would need to go to the mall, and the baby rolls her eyes and sighs.

"I need new jeans!" the baby says. You hand over your car keys and your credit card. The door to the garage slams and you hear loud music.

You ask your wife for a pencil as you review the list of words. Difficult. Healthy. False. Cowardly. Destroy.

You whisper, "What have we done?"

You call the adoption agency but it's closed.