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Tender Deaths
LaTanya McQueen
Near the end my father would go out picking up the dead animals the
city sweepers left behind. I saw them sometimes as I walked home, the
half-eaten carcasses of squirrels or birds that had fallen from their
treetop homes. The worst were the mice, their bodies flattened like
paper. I always looked away, careful not to let their images linger too
long in my mind. My father carried a habit of staring at the ground
when he walked. His feet shushed through the leaves as he took small,
delicate steps. He saw the animals too but he couldn't look away, and
afternoons I'd see him going out to the yard, carrying mother's old
hatbox in his hands.
"What is this about?" I asked him.
"They deserve better deaths," he mumbled through gritted
teeth.
Two weeks before, he'd learned that an old buddy of his had died. He was
found sitting on a park bench near his apartment. Days had gone by and
no one noticed his decaying corpse, the smell of the rotting flesh. It
was only on the fourth day, when the first season's light snowfall
began, that a woman walking home thought to ask if he was all right. She
went to him, put her hand on his shoulder, and then upon realizing,
began calling.
I told my father to stop. I said he could get rabies. I said what was
the point, they were already dead. Still he would go creeping in the
night down our lost city, crouching low among the dirty alleyways, a
small key light between his thick fingertips, looking for their
wretched remains.
One night I followed him through the quiet streets until I saw him
stop. He stood staring at something on the ground. I walked to him and
we both kneeled. Tucked in a pile of crushed, wet leaves was a dead
squirrel. It had not been dead for long from what I could tell. With
shaky hands he picked it up and placed it into his cardboard box, this
lifeless, ruined thing.
"Found one," he said, smiling madly as if he had done something, as if
he had rescued this animal from its cruel fate. He slid off latex
gloves and I looked at him and thought—it won't be much longer
now. So I walked with him
until we both got tired and there was nothing else left to save.
LaTanya McQueen has had stories in The North American Review, Monkeybicycle, Dzanc's Best of the Web
and others.
To link to this story directly: http://wigleaf.com/201101tender.htm
w i g · l e a F
01-18-11
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