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Dear Wigleaf,
Do you ever get so lonely that you feel like you're the only person
alive on earth but one day you look across the river and see another
person standing there and for a second you're elated because you're not
alone after all but then that person makes it clear they're never going
to cross the river to you and in addition, they'll be angry with you if
you try to cross the river to them, so every day your heart aches more
and more with loneliness and you sit on the bank of the river and think
about crossing it but don't because being rejected by the only other
person alive on earth would be more than you could handle and so you
sit and remain within your loneliness staring at the river and you try
not to stare at the person on the other side of it but when the other
person's not looking sometimes you do because in addition to being the
only other person alive on earth they are also the most beautiful
person you have ever seen and you don't just think this because they're
the only other person alive on earth, you are sure you would think this
even if there were millions of other people still alive on earth, and
one day you can't bear your loneliness anymore and you put one toe in
the river and the next day you put your foot in and the day
after that you're up to your ankle and slowly, day by day, you go a bit
deeper until one day you're neck deep and treading water toward the
other side and thinking the whole time, "Please accept me, please
accept me," and half of you is hoping you'll drown before you make it
to the other side and the other half is hoping that the person on the
other side was bluffing about being angry with you if you crossed the
river to them but you keep going and keep thinking, "Please accept me,
please accept me," because now the pain of your loneliness outweighs
the pain that would follow being rejected by the only other person
alive on earth?
Just wondering.
xoxo,
e.e.
- - -
Read EE's story, "Drown You."
w i g · l e a F
10-29-09
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