In this one, she tells Zeus, you have to save the human world from a vengeful god.

Mmm, he says. Zeus is eating a cheeseburger in bed, watching college basketball and only half-listening. Mustard hangs in his beard here and there, gold on white. She dabs at the spots, her lovely face shifting slightly with something more godlike than disgust. 

You can play as one of three nymphs, she says.

Nice, he says. Zeus is really into nymphs.

It's open-world, Athena tells him. There are all kinds of side quests and mini-games, beauty contests and drowned-sailor-saving and whatnot. But the main point of the game is to avoid this one specific god until you're powerful enough, because if you run into him before then, you'll get turned into a cow or a tree.

That sucks, says Zeus. Can you drink a potion or something to turn you back? Find a magical object?

No potion, says Athena, but you can still play through as a cow or a tree.

That's good, says Zeus. WHAT! Did you see that foul? HOW DID THEY NOT CALL THAT FOUL? The bed shakes, and snaking fissures appear on the TV screen.

Jesus, dad, says Athena. Did you take your pills? Your blood pressure.

I did, honey, it's fine, says Zeus. I'm fine. Tell me more about your game. I'm listening. He leans back, eyes on the screen.

Well, she says, if you really want to punish yourself, you can start as a cow and play the whole thing like that. It's the advanced mode. Europa Mode, I call it.

Zeus narrows his eyes. Athena waits. Trolling Zeus is dangerous, after all. Last time Hera did it, he turned her into an earthworm for a year.

Finally, he nods. Go ahead, he says. Put it into production.

She breathes, adjusts her diadem. She starts off to hire developers. Just wait until he sees the way he looks in game, foolish and flaccid.

WAIT, says the Father of Gods. His shout splits the television. Crack. Sizzle. The stink of singed wires.

Athena stops, halfway through dematerializing. She wonders what it feels like to eat nothing but earth for a year. She really enjoys mortal foods, and wine, and mortal men and women, too. She grips her staff. Yes?

Make sure all the nymphs have big tits, says Zeus. A little fanservice, you know?

Athena nods, rolls her eyes, dissolves. Her godlike disappointment lags behind, a cold blue cloud, and Zeus wonders why he feels so weird and so goddamned small.

He grabs his phone and texts Hephaestus: hey kiddo, need a new tv. big. make it happen plz. He waits, then texts again: r u watching this game? miss u, as plaintive and lonely and punctuationally awkward as any dad on earth.

Amber Sparks' most recent book is THE UNFINISHED WORLD AND OTHER STORIES.

Read Lauren Pike's 2 ½ Questions interview with Amber.

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