the new wife comes with so many special attachments. utensils, sticks and cloths for cleaning, pleasure-holes, and a blow torch. but this model is upgraded. he can't figure out how to work all the levers. there are buttons that make no sense. he pulls a lever and the wife cry-dances. pushes a button and she vomits and then eats the vomit. he had been promised on the phone, better. he had been promised, easy. tall. super tall and relaxing. but this wife malfunctions or functions in an unclear way. he searches the manual to see if there is a massage attachment. he's so tense. but the manual says: this is not that kind of wife. he turns the wife over, checks and rechecks the label. shakes the wife. harumphs the wife. then the wife lectures him on cleanliness and heartbreak.