Indiana vs. Zimbabwe
Jon Steinhagen

Four of them fresh from the campus and soaked in beer and bloated with testosterone and one of their fathers paid for the trip and the rifles.

Tell Chuckles to stay in the Jeep. Get that thing going hit record. Cool. There's one now no there's two. Shit. Excellent. Stay perfectly still. You stand there and I'll stand here and you you retard stand there. Shut off the engine. This is perfect this is wicked this is awesome. Don't move. Don't move a muscle.

There's no way it can see us no way I'm telling you it can't not if we don't move it won't see us clearly. Hey if it comes my way I'm running. It runs faster than you. I'll take my chances. Shut up and don't move don't breathe.

It looked the bigger one looked. Shit. It knows we're here. Well I said they're nearsighted not deaf dumbass but no you keep shooting off your mouth. Chuckles be ready to start driving.

Hey all bets are off.

No way dude you said it and we're here and there they are and this is it so butch up.

Seriously dude let's get the fuck out of here. No way dick it's man against beast. Look at those horns. Don't look at the horn I'm telling you if you don't move it'll walk right past you. Chuckles say something.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in order to prove that the white rhino has shitty eyesight, we've decided to do something totally stupid…"

Thanks for nothing dick.

Shit it moved.

They're both moving.

Shit they're headed this way.

I can see now don't move don't breathe not a word not a single word and we'll be fine and dandy just fine and dandy don't move not even if it gets up close.

Trust me.

Jon Steinhagen is a resident playwright at Chicago Dramatists. Another of his AMERICANS ELSEWHERE micros is forthcoming from SmokeLong Quarterly.

Detail of photo on main page courtesy of Derrick Tyson.

W i g l e a f               09-09-12                                [home]