The beer I'm drinking is exclusively sold at Walgreen's and costs $2.99 a six pack. It's December and I'm saving money for Christmas presents.

This year, my daughter is two, and she still won't sit on Santa's lap. The last Santa we went to had a cell phone. I wanted to strangle him.

My wife usually does all the Christmas stuff, because I'm an asshole. I get things down from the attic. I'll put things back when we're done with them.

This year should be good, because my kiddo is old enough to understand that she's getting presents, but not yet old enough to be disappointed if she doesn't get what she wants.

Her disappointment will come. She'll have a lifetime of it. Just like we all do.

Merry Christmas.

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Read BAC's "Summarized Souls."

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