Husbands and Animal Husbandry
Dan Piepenbring

A husband will occasionally find need for an animal, and will raise it. From this, our world derives its goatherds and cowhands, but the allure is sometimes stronger, and a husband must domesticate another animal to slake his thirst for husbandry. For reasons beyond the province of this text, falcons are among the best animals husbands can raise. Most falconers are also husbands, and many husbands double as falconers.

When a new falcon is jessed and tethered to the glove, she should be offered small pieces of food.

It is common for a husband to outlive his falcon, but there are of course cases in which the falcon outlives the husband, particularly when the husband turns to falconry later in life. There are exceedingly rare instances wherein the falcon is the agent of the husband's death, and in these cases, too, the falcon outlives the husband.

Advice for wives: if your husband, or any husband, solicits your opinion on falconry, do not answer honestly. The husband likely holds strong opinions about falconry and hopes to bait you for the sake of argument. With a simple tilt of the head, proffer a distant smile and change the subject to other matters of the home. The husband may thereafter request that you wear the falcon's lure as jewelry. Do not do this. The husband, in such cases, wishes to have his falcon kill you.

Dan Piepenbring lives in New York, where he works as an editorial assistant at Farrar, Straus and Giroux and an editor at The Hotel St. George Press. He has stories in or coming from The American Scholar, Significant Objects, PANK, The Pinch and others.

To link to this story directly:

Detail of photo on main page courtesy of ViaMoi.

w i g · l e a F               10-08-10                                [home]