Dear Wigleaf,
This morning at breakfast my eleven-year old daughter tells me we shouldn't shop at Wal-Mart anymore. "They're anti-union," she says as she removes her organic oatmeal from our Merry-Go-Flav microwave ($42.94 at Wal-Mart). "And not only that, they censor magazines and CDs so that they only contain 'clean content.'"

"But these are good things, honey," I patiently remind her as I effortlessly slice a bagel with our King Charles Ever-Sharp Bun & Bagel Knife (a steal at $13.63).

"Eighty-five percent of the crap they sell is made in Third World country sweatshops!" she shouts as she throws down her spoon and storms out of the kitchen.

If only she was a few years younger. Then maybe I could pick up a Safe-T-Lock Throw Bolt ($6.78: Compare and Save!) or maybe even that Dick Cheney-endorsed motion-activated Rest 'n' Peace 220 (a rock-bottom $171.57), and lock her in her room until she learned a little more about America and what freedom really is.


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Read ZZB's story, "Snow."

w i g · l e a F               12-24-09                                [home]